The Funny Guide to 30 Mechanic Jokes & One-Liners

1. I told my mechanic I couldn't afford the brakes. He said, "No worries, we’ll make sure the horn is extra loud."
2. Why did the mechanic break up with his girlfriend? She kept trying to change his oil too soon.
3. I went to the mechanic for a tire rotation—now my steering wheel is missing.
4. “You need a new transmission.” Me: “Great. Can you install it into my dating life too?”
5. Mechanics don’t retire. They just lose their drive.
6. Spark plugs have better chemistry than most couples I know.
7. What’s a mechanic’s favorite band? Grease Lightning.
8. I asked my mechanic if he could rotate my tires. He spun them and said, “There you go.”
9. Why did the car go to therapy? Too much exhaust-ion.
10. My mechanic charges a flat rate—mostly because he made all my tires flat.
11. You know you're a mechanic when WD-40 and duct tape fix more than your car.
12. The only time I trust someone with a wrench is when they hand it to me with coffee.
13. I asked the mechanic for a second opinion. He said, “It’s still junk.”
14. Mechanics are like doctors, but their patients complain louder.
15. My mechanic has a degree… in creative invoicing.
16. I saw a mechanic meditate. He was trying to find his inner grease.
17. What's a mechanic’s favorite pickup line? “You’ve got great suspension.”
18. I asked for an oil change, not a personality change.
19. My car makes a weird noise. Mechanic: “It’s called depreciation.”
20. Mechanics don’t sweat—they leak experience.
21. What did the mechanic say to the rusty car? "You're looking a little oxidized today."
22. My garage is just a place where tools come to hide.
23. Mechanic rule #1: If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you need a bigger hammer.
24. Why did the car fail therapy? It had too many unresolved check engine issues.
25. Car won’t start? That’s just its way of asking for attention.
26. Mechanic’s motto: If it ain't broke, it's just not diagnosed yet.
27. My friend became a mechanic to fix his own car. Now he’s broke in both ways.
28. Why don’t mechanics ever get lost? They always follow the torque specs.
29. Nothing like fixing a customer’s car and listening to them explain how they “almost fixed it themselves.”
30. Mechanics love carbs… but mostly the ones with four barrels.

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