Same car,
better deal.
🏙️ The Ultimate Guide to the Best Toronto Jokes and One-Liners
📍 Toronto 101: The City Everyone Loves to Tease
- Toronto isn’t Canada’s center of the universe...
It’s just where the universe pays rent over $2,000/month. - What's the national bird of Toronto?
The construction crane. - You know you're in Toronto when people complain about traffic while sitting on the subway.
- Toronto: where people apologize for bumping into pigeons.
- In Toronto, “affordable housing” is just a mythical creature—like Bigfoot, but with worse credit.
🚇 Transit, TTC & Traffic Troubles
- The TTC motto?
"We might show up." - Toronto drivers treat speed limits like polite suggestions from a friend they don’t like.
- The TTC is like a Tinder date—you never know if it’s actually going to show up, or if you’ll get ghosted.
- You’re not a real Torontonian until you’ve missed your stop because someone’s bag had its own seat.
- In Toronto, a 10-minute drive takes 40 minutes, but at least it costs $5/hour to park.
💸 Cost of Living, Condos & Coffee
- Rent in Toronto is so high, raccoons are applying for mortgages.
- Toronto’s real estate agents are just magicians in suits: “Here’s a 1-bedroom closet for $1.2M!”
- “This place has character” = there’s mould behind the shower curtain.
- Toronto condos are like IKEA furniture: small, expensive, and missing a part.
- In Toronto, “broke” means you only go to Starbucks 4 times a week.
🎭 Stereotypes, Swagger & Scarborough
- People from Toronto will say they’re from “the GTA” even if they live in Ajax.
- Someone in Toronto just called a 30-minute walk a “trek.”
- In Scarborough, “backup plan” means bringing your cousin.
- “It’s only a 10-minute walk,” said a Torontonian.
That was 35 minutes ago. And uphill. Both ways. - Torontonians measure distance in subway stops and Uber surge prices.
🍁 Local Pride with a Twist
- Toronto is the only place where someone will brag about living in a basement.
- If you hear someone say “the 6ix” unironically, they probably own a Raptors jersey.
- People in Toronto complain about how cold it is, then wear denim jackets in -10°C.
- Toronto: where you need to take out a loan to park downtown... and another to leave.
- You know you’re in Toronto when there are three Starbucks on one corner and still nowhere to pee.
🧢 Drake & The 6ix
- Drake isn’t the Mayor of Toronto…
But let’s be real, he might as well be. - Drake made Toronto cool. Now we just need someone to make it affordable.
- If you hear “running through the 6ix,” it’s either a Drake lyric or someone trying to catch the GO train.
- Torontonians don’t use maps. They use Drake references:
“Turn left at where the Views cover was shot.” - The only city where someone will say “Started from the bottom” while living in a condo on the 47th floor.
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