37 Honda Jokes & One-Liners

1. I don't always drive fast, but when I do, it's downhill in my Honda Civic.
2. VTEC kicked in… and so did my check engine light.
3. My Honda has more stickers than horsepower.
4. What’s the difference between a Honda and a shopping cart?
   One wobbles less at 80 km/h.
5. Honda: turning teenage mechanics into street racers since 1992.
6. I put a spoiler on my Civic. Now it thinks it's in Fast & Furious 12.
7. You know you're a Honda driver when revving the engine is part of your morning routine.
8. Honda Civics: because walking is too mainstream.
9. I tried street racing in my Accord. I’m still at the red light.
10. My Honda doesn’t leak oil, it’s just marking its territory.
11. I asked Siri to find me horsepower… she sent me a used Honda Fit.
12. The Civic is the only car where “modded” means $3,000 in lights and a $40 muffler.
13. What do you call a Civic that goes 0-60 in under 10 seconds?
    Fictional.
14. I put rims on my Honda… now I get 2% less fuel economy and 200% more judgment.
15. If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, a Honda owner still tries to race it.
16. My neighbor’s lawnmower sounds more intimidating than my Accord.
17. Honda owners don’t date—they’re committed to the build.
18. My Honda Civic may not be fast, but it's emotionally stable.
19. Honda Fit: small in size, large in “sorry, I can’t give you a ride.”
20. VTEC isn’t just an engine feature—it’s a personality type.
21. I race Hondas on the weekend… to the best parking spots at Costco.
22. What’s red, loud, and underpowered?
    A Civic with a $900 exhaust.
23. Why don’t Hondas ever get lost?
    Because they always follow the path of least resistance.
24. I named my Civic “WiFi” because it disconnects unexpectedly.
25. Owning a Honda is like dating someone who’s quiet, dependable, and occasionally gets mistaken for a blender.
26. My Honda’s not a race car—it’s a gas-saving legend.
27. I bought a Civic to save money… then spent $4,000 making it louder and slower.
28. My Accord may not impress you, but my MPG sure will.
29. The most dangerous thing about my Honda is the overconfidence of its driver.
30. If it’s not a Honda, it’s not making it to 300,000 km.
31. What do you call a Civic with no muffler?
    A neighborhood complaint.
32. You know it’s a Honda when the only thing faster than the car is the depreciation.
33. Why did the Honda join the gym?
    To finally hit 60 mph.
34. I wanted a car that was reliable, affordable, and had no street cred.
    So I bought a Honda.
35. When VTEC hits, you still won’t win, but you’ll sound like you're trying.
36. My Honda is basically a Transformer… it turns gas into disappointment.
37. Hondas are like dads—quiet, reliable, and they get you where you need to go.
    

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