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37+ Hilarious Kingston Jokes and One-Liners Only Locals Will Understand

  1. Kingston: Where the waterfront is calm, but the parking tickets are ruthless.
  2. Why did the hipster move to Kingston?
    Because it was cool before it was cool. Literally—February here is freezing.
  3. You know you're in Kingston when you're stuck behind a boat... and you're not even near the marina.
  4. In Kingston, "rush hour" means the 401 slowed down for almost 12 minutes.
  5. A Kingston local walks into a Toronto bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t accept debit from 1997."
  6. Kingston: Where Queen’s students pretend they're not from Oakville.
  7. You haven’t truly experienced Kingston until you’ve dodged 3 cyclists, 2 squirrels, and a bagpiper on Princess Street.
  8. Living in Kingston is great—if you're into limestone, lake views, and debating whether it's still "mid-sized."
  9. Why don’t ghosts haunt Kingston?
    Because the city is already full of spirits—especially on Brock Street Saturday nights.
  10. Fort Henry? More like Fort Heavy, after you walk up that hill with a poutine in hand.
  11. “It’s not that windy,” said every Kingstonite seconds before being blown into Lake Ontario.
  12. How do you know someone went to Queen’s University?
    Don’t worry—they’ll tell you within the first two minutes.
  13. Kingston has three seasons: Winter, Construction, and “Wow, Queen’s kids are back already?”
  14. You haven’t truly suffered until you’ve parallel parked downtown Kingston in a snowstorm.
  15. If limestone buildings could talk, Kingston would be grounded until further notice.
  16. They say Kingston has the best tap water in the world. Which is great, because after rent, it’s the only thing you can afford.
  17. Kingston’s motto should be: “We have more patios than reasons to go inside.”
  18. Why did the retiree move to Kingston?
    Because it has history, culture, and most importantly, early bird specials.
  19. Kingston is the only place where your Uber driver is also your kayaking instructor.
  20. The wind in Kingston doesn’t mess around. One gust and you’ve got a new part in your hair and a missing hat.
  21. You know you’re from Kingston when you give directions like, “Turn left at the old Keg, not the new Keg, the old one that’s now a sushi place.”
  22. The 401 near Kingston: It's like a scenic tour of potholes and misplaced pylons.
  23. In Kingston, you either work for the city, go to Queen’s, or are still figuring out which Tim Hortons is hiring.
  24. Nothing says Kingston like a sunset cruise interrupted by your buddy’s sea-sick cousin from Toronto.
  25. The Kingston Pen might be closed, but half the locals still think it’d make a great AirBnB.
  26. Kingston weather be like: “Enjoy the sun—it expires in 12 minutes.”
  27. If Kingston had a superhero, they’d be powered by wind, coffee from Juniper Café, and student debt.
  28. There are two kinds of people in Kingston: Those who kayak and those who talk about kayaking but never go.
  29. Kingston: The only place where brunch is a competitive sport.
  30. Don’t confuse Queen’s Homecoming with Halloween—they just both involve costumes, chaos, and regret.
  31. Dating in Kingston is tough. Half the city is retired, and the other half just left their 8:30 lecture.
  32. Kingston is proudly bilingual: English, French, and Passive-Aggressive.
  33. In Kingston, getting a waterfront view just means paying an extra $1,200 in rent for geese to judge you.
  34. If you haven’t heard bagpipes at 7 AM on a Tuesday, are you even in Kingston?
  35. They call it “Limestone City,” but let’s be real—it’s also the "Pothole Capital of Ontario."
  36. Kingston: Where summer lasts two weeks and people wear shorts the second it hits 8°C.
  37. At Queen’s, “studying history” just means learning which pub was here before it was a bistro.

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