Same car,
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37+ Hilarious Kingston Jokes and One-Liners Only Locals Will Understand
- Kingston: Where the waterfront is calm, but the parking tickets are ruthless.
- Why did the hipster move to Kingston?
Because it was cool before it was cool. Literally—February here is freezing. - You know you're in Kingston when you're stuck behind a boat... and you're not even near the marina.
- In Kingston, "rush hour" means the 401 slowed down for almost 12 minutes.
- A Kingston local walks into a Toronto bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t accept debit from 1997."
- Kingston: Where Queen’s students pretend they're not from Oakville.
- You haven’t truly experienced Kingston until you’ve dodged 3 cyclists, 2 squirrels, and a bagpiper on Princess Street.
- Living in Kingston is great—if you're into limestone, lake views, and debating whether it's still "mid-sized."
- Why don’t ghosts haunt Kingston?
Because the city is already full of spirits—especially on Brock Street Saturday nights. - Fort Henry? More like Fort Heavy, after you walk up that hill with a poutine in hand.
- “It’s not that windy,” said every Kingstonite seconds before being blown into Lake Ontario.
- How do you know someone went to Queen’s University?
Don’t worry—they’ll tell you within the first two minutes. - Kingston has three seasons: Winter, Construction, and “Wow, Queen’s kids are back already?”
- You haven’t truly suffered until you’ve parallel parked downtown Kingston in a snowstorm.
- If limestone buildings could talk, Kingston would be grounded until further notice.
- They say Kingston has the best tap water in the world. Which is great, because after rent, it’s the only thing you can afford.
- Kingston’s motto should be: “We have more patios than reasons to go inside.”
- Why did the retiree move to Kingston?
Because it has history, culture, and most importantly, early bird specials. - Kingston is the only place where your Uber driver is also your kayaking instructor.
- The wind in Kingston doesn’t mess around. One gust and you’ve got a new part in your hair and a missing hat.
- You know you’re from Kingston when you give directions like, “Turn left at the old Keg, not the new Keg, the old one that’s now a sushi place.”
- The 401 near Kingston: It's like a scenic tour of potholes and misplaced pylons.
- In Kingston, you either work for the city, go to Queen’s, or are still figuring out which Tim Hortons is hiring.
- Nothing says Kingston like a sunset cruise interrupted by your buddy’s sea-sick cousin from Toronto.
- The Kingston Pen might be closed, but half the locals still think it’d make a great AirBnB.
- Kingston weather be like: “Enjoy the sun—it expires in 12 minutes.”
- If Kingston had a superhero, they’d be powered by wind, coffee from Juniper Café, and student debt.
- There are two kinds of people in Kingston: Those who kayak and those who talk about kayaking but never go.
- Kingston: The only place where brunch is a competitive sport.
- Don’t confuse Queen’s Homecoming with Halloween—they just both involve costumes, chaos, and regret.
- Dating in Kingston is tough. Half the city is retired, and the other half just left their 8:30 lecture.
- Kingston is proudly bilingual: English, French, and Passive-Aggressive.
- In Kingston, getting a waterfront view just means paying an extra $1,200 in rent for geese to judge you.
- If you haven’t heard bagpipes at 7 AM on a Tuesday, are you even in Kingston?
- They call it “Limestone City,” but let’s be real—it’s also the "Pothole Capital of Ontario."
- Kingston: Where summer lasts two weeks and people wear shorts the second it hits 8°C.
- At Queen’s, “studying history” just means learning which pub was here before it was a bistro.
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