50+ Hilarious Car Dealer Jokes & One-Liners That'll Drive You Laughing

Why did the car salesman bring a ladder?

– Because the prices were through the roof!

I told the car dealer I wanted a good deal…

– He handed me a mirror and said, “Look, you just found one!”

Car salespeople have a great retirement plan…

– It’s called “dealer markup.”

What’s a car salesman’s favorite type of math?

– Financing with hidden fees.

Why did the car salesman go to therapy?

– He couldn’t stop pushing people’s buttons.

The dealership told me I needed a co-signer.

– I brought my mom. They laughed. I cried.

I asked the dealer if I could see the Carfax…

– He showed me a napkin with “trust me” written on it.

“No hidden fees” is just code for “we haven’t told you about them yet.”

I asked the dealer for the best deal…

– He handed me a bus schedule.

Why did the used car salesman bring a telescope?

– To find the fine print in the contract!

The only thing more inflated than a dealership’s balloon arch?

– Their interest rates.

I walked into a dealership with $500 down…

– I left with a brochure and a handshake.

Why don’t car salesmen play hide and seek?

– Because good luck hiding when you’re following someone around the lot!

The car salesman said it was a one-owner vehicle…

– He forgot to mention it was a taxi.

What’s a car dealer’s favorite horror movie?

– “The Trade-In Value”

I asked for the car’s history…

– The dealer said, “Once upon a time, it wasn’t in a flood.”

I asked the salesman if the car had any accidents…

– He said, “None that we reported.”

Why do dealerships put so many balloons outside?

– To distract you from the prices inside.

A car salesman’s motto:

– “If you don’t lie, you don’t buy.”

“What’s the best price you can do?”

– “How much do you have?”

Why do car salespeople make good magicians?

– They can make your trade-in value disappear.

The salesman told me, “This car will go 0-60 in 5 seconds.”

– I just didn’t know he meant off a cliff.

I asked for a deal. The salesman gave me 5 free car washes…

– …for the car I didn’t buy.

Buying a car is like going to a casino…

– Except the house always wins, and you drive home broke.

I asked if I could test-drive a car…

– The salesman said, “Only if you’re serious about buying.”

– So I test-walked out the door.

Why don’t car salesmen use Tinder?

– Because they’re already good at making people say “no” to bad deals.

Car dealerships: Where the coffee is free and the truth is extra.

Why do car salesmen always wear expensive watches?

– Because someone has to be on time for the payments.

I told the salesman I wanted a “gently used” car…

– He sold me a rental.

The salesman said the car was “certified pre-owned.”

– Certified by who? Stevie Wonder?

My credit score is so bad, the dealer offered me a bicycle.

The dealership said they’d throw in free oil changes…

– If I financed for 84 months.

Why did the car salesman bring a net?

– To catch people before they left the lot.

The car dealership had a sale!

– Just kidding, they raised the prices and called it a sale.

I asked about the “best deal of the year.”

– Turns out, it was last year.

The dealer said, “This car was owned by a little old lady.”

– He forgot to mention she was a stunt driver.

I love negotiating with car dealers…

– It’s like a hostage situation, but I’m the one paying ransom.

The dealership told me I got the “VIP discount.”

– Turns out, VIP stands for “Very Inflated Price.”

Why did the car salesman fail the honesty test?
– He tried to sell it.

The dealer said, “This car runs like a dream.”
– Translation: You’ll wake up to a nightmare.

I asked if the car had Bluetooth…
– The dealer said, “Yeah, and a little bit of rust too.”

“No payments for 90 days” sounds great…
– Until you realize the payments last 7 years.

My salesman said, “You won’t find a better deal anywhere.”
– He was right… because every other dealer was cheaper.

Why do car dealers love holidays?
– More excuses for fake sales!

I asked if the car had been in any accidents…
– The salesman said, “Not recently.”

Why don’t car dealers tell ghost stories?
– Because their prices are scary enough.

The dealership said I was “pre-approved.”
– Turns out, I was pre-approved to leave.

I bought a car from a dealer and found out it was in a flood…
– The first time it rained inside the car.

The dealership had a sign that said, “We’ll work with any budget.”
– Turns out, they meant any budget over $50,000.

I asked the car salesman if the price was negotiable…
– He laughed so hard, he fell out of his chair.

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