Same car,
better deal.
53 BMW Jokes
- BMW stands for “Brakes Might Work.”
- What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus?
With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside. - If you can’t find the turn signal on a BMW, don’t worry — neither can the driver.
- BMW drivers don’t park — they position with confidence.
- I asked my BMW how it felt. It just said, “Superior.”
- BMW: For people who enjoy paying more for blinkers they’ll never use.
- What’s the official motto of BMW drivers?
“Me first, you peasant.” - BMW drivers don’t tailgate — they establish dominance.
- Why do BMWs come with heated seats?
To keep your ego warm. - My BMW doesn’t leak oil.
It sweats German engineering. - You don’t drive a BMW — you command traffic.
- A BMW isn’t complete without a mirror selfie in the dealership.
- BMW drivers treat speed limits like gentle suggestions.
- I don’t have road rage.
I drive a BMW — it comes standard. - The only signal a BMW uses is eye contact.
- My BMW’s horn is stuck.
It keeps honking at people in cheaper cars. - A BMW driver’s idea of a traffic law is “optional.”
- What’s faster than a BMW?
A BMW owner telling you about their car. - BMW: The choice of people who think every lane is theirs.
- If arrogance were a car, it would come with leather seats and a German badge.
- My BMW didn’t come with a turn signal — that’s an extra option.
- You don’t own a BMW…
You lease an attitude. - Ever seen a BMW in the slow lane?
Didn’t think so. - What's the difference between a BMW driver and a mosquito?
Mosquitoes stop whining when you slap them. - I bought a BMW for the performance.
It performs arrogance flawlessly. - If you need therapy, get a BMW.
Everyone will know you’re emotionally unavailable. - My BMW doesn’t go fast — it rushes greatness.
- Every BMW should come with a therapist in the glove box.
- What do you call a BMW without attitude?
A rental. - BMW drivers don’t merge — they conquer.
- A BMW owner’s worst nightmare?
A Kia passing them. - BMW: Because manners are for minivan drivers.
- I put racing stripes on my BMW.
Now it cuts people off even faster. - BMW drivers don’t speed — they liberate the fast lane.
- If flexing was a vehicle, it would have German plates.
- BMW drivers live by the motto:
“Why brake when you can intimidate?” - My BMW has more warning lights than my last relationship.
- BMW drivers don’t apologize — they rev.
- Turn signals in BMWs are like gym memberships in January:
Rarely used after the first week. - BMW: Where prestige meets passive aggression.
- How do you know someone drives a BMW?
Don’t worry — they’ll let you know. - BMWs are fast — mostly at overtaking and overcompensating.
- BMW: For people who peaked in college but still want attention.
- I don’t always drive fast,
but when I do, it’s in your blind spot. - My BMW is powered by ego and 91 octane.
- The scariest thing on the highway?
A BMW in your rearview mirror. - BMW drivers don’t follow GPS — they lead destiny.
- BMW: The official car of “I have somewhere to be, and I’m already late.”
- BMWs don’t make U-turns.
They just keep going until they feel right again. - What’s the most worn-out part in a BMW?
The driver's sense of entitlement. - My BMW is allergic to traffic laws.
- BMW stands for “Bought My Way” into the fast lane.
- BMW drivers don’t cut you off —
they simply reestablish the road hierarchy.
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