Same car,
better deal.
51 Jokes and One-liners about Nissan
Here are 51 jokes and one-liners about Nissan — covering everything from Altimas to Rogues, Leafs, and even old Sentras with more rust than horsepower:
🚗 General Nissan Jokes:
- Why did the Nissan break up with the garage?
It needed more space. - I named my Nissan “Titanic”...
Because it sinks in value the second it hits the lot. - You know you're driving a Nissan when...
The check engine light is brighter than your future. - My Nissan's so quiet...
Because it stalled again. - Nissan drivers be like:
“Speed limit is just a suggestion, officer.” - I tried drag racing my Nissan.
I lost to a lawnmower. - What’s the difference between a Nissan and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball 300 yards. - My Nissan doesn’t leak oil.
It marks its territory. - I once got passed by a Nissan Leaf.
I’ve never felt more disrespected. - What's Nissan's favorite band?
Altima-ica.
🔋 Nissan Leaf Jokes:
- I told my friend I bought a Leaf.
He said, “What, like from a tree?” - Driving a Leaf is like playing real-life Mario Kart.
Except slower. And you’re always low on charge. - My Nissan Leaf's range is so short...
I get range anxiety in the driveway. - Why did the Leaf cross the road?
It didn’t — it ran out of battery. - I turned on the A/C in my Leaf.
There goes 10km of range.
⚠️ Altima Driver Jokes:
- Altima drivers don't signal.
They manifest their turns. - You know it’s an Altima behind you...
Because it’s in your trunk. - Altima drivers could survive a zombie apocalypse...
Because nothing scares them — not even traffic laws. - Saw a 2008 Altima going 140 km/h in a school zone...
Must be Tuesday. - If you see an Altima swerving between lanes...
That’s just how they change songs.
🚙 Rogue / Murano / SUV Jokes:
- What's the difference between a Nissan Rogue and a shopping cart?
One’s meant for groceries. The other is a shopping cart. - The Nissan Murano:
Because you couldn’t quite afford a Lexus. - The Rogue has a backup camera.
Not for safety—just so it can watch itself fall apart. - Why did the Nissan Rogue stop at the mechanic?
It missed the attention. - My friend’s Rogue has a special feature:
Auto-rattle.
🛠️ Reliability & Repairs:
- “Built to last” and “Nissan” don’t belong in the same sentence.
Unless the sentence is: “Nissan is built to last... until 120,000 km.” - What do you call a mechanic who only works on Nissans?
Rich. - My Nissan’s favorite light?
Check engine. - Nissans don’t depreciate.
They evaporate. - Bought a used Nissan and got a free bonus!
A second job to pay for repairs.
🧓 Throwback & Classic Nissan:
- My 1995 Sentra still runs.
From its problems. - Old Nissans never die.
They just get louder. - Duct tape and a dream is all that’s holding this Maxima together.
- “That’s not rust — it’s character,” said every old Nissan owner ever.
- My 240SX has two speeds:
Broken or stolen.
😂 One-Liners:
- If you can dodge potholes in a Nissan, you should qualify for the Olympics.
- Nissan: “Innovation that excites.”
Repairs that don’t. - Why do Nissans always look angry?
Because they know their resale value. - Nissan drivers don’t tailgate — they just believe in close friendships.
- I don’t drive a Nissan because it’s cool.
I drive it because my budget made the decision for me.
🔧 Dealership Jokes:
- The only thing faster than a Nissan at a dealership...
Is your money leaving your wallet. - Buying a Nissan is like dating a red flag.
You know you’ll regret it, but here you are. - My Nissan came with Bluetooth, heated seats, and commitment issues.
- What's the most expensive part of a Nissan?
The badge. - Bought a new Nissan and it came with something extra:
A warranty lawyer.
🧠 Misc:
- Nissan engineers once had a wild idea:
“What if we make it... worse?” - My Nissan's resale value is so low...
It qualifies as a donation. - Every time I drive my Nissan, I play a fun game called:
“What’s that sound?” - I used to dream of owning a Nissan.
Then I woke up — at the repair shop. - Nissans are like relationships:
Fun at first, then comes the warning lights. - My Nissan's motto?
"We may not get there fast… but we might get there."
or

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